Brain Reset

When it comes, it comes

January 30th, 2010 by windmaomao

(The above modeling is done by following a modo tutorial step by step, pretty awesome huh

Just realize most of things probably doesn’t need extra force to accelerate. It happens when the time is right, and the reason why it happens might just because all the piece that makes the thing happen are all ready. To find out all the pieces and make each one ready takes effort and persistence.

No need to piss off things not going on the right direction. Things get out of shape or out of order naturally all the time. No need to get personal about that. It’s not you or anybody else fault. When it happens, you just need to fix it if you would love to. But do realize, to get them back in order takes effort.

Depending on your expectation on how things should go, your effort could be high. But no get anxious. You just need to manage as much as you can to get to where you want. If the goal is a bit hard to reach, lower your expectation. You only have that much of time every day, and most of important, you only have that much of energy to put on the things you like most. Do your best.

When high expectation is increased on certain aspect, you need to realize that more effort needs to be spent on that subject, therefore other expectations need to be adjust to accommodate the situation. No anxious or stress needs to be raised if you’re aware of this. Things you want won’t fall upon sky naturally, only shit happens every second. You just have to manage through. That’s all.

Don’t wait for the things to happen, redistribute your expectations, put more effort on things you like most. Get close to the sh** thing and clean them up one after one right after they happen. Remember you are just managing through. It’s not for baby, it’s a battleground. Bullet hurts you, but no need to cry, it’s not personal, just pull it off and continue Everyday gonna be like this, until

When it comes, it comes.

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Political life

January 16th, 2010 by windmaomao

Recently I got a chance to take a vacation back to my home town. It’s amazing experience that I never had before. Brighter and brighter things got everyday, the more family members I went visit. None of them offers me one-to-all solution to my current life, but piece by piece, that I realized the key missing part in my life, which I saw in some of my friends, but just missing in me. Here it is.

World isn’t black or white, an item can’t be just defined by one or two sentence and categorized by one or two tags. Same as human being, they can’t be viewed by their current image, history plays major part of who they are and who they’re willing to become. Relationship isn’t just mapped with one word relationship. Sometimes they just can’t be expressed by words even when tried hard. Maybe a better word that I can come up with right now is, politics, a word I used to hate, surprising as it is, life seems like a small version of politic world to me now.

Though it was a negative word in my dictionary, it might be the best word, since politics is never black and white in any way. Moreover, gray is the region we’re living in, and gray is the motive that drives us, and gray is what defines us. Even in the sunny day, you are trying to capture gray, the color bridges the world of black and white, the pure version of it might only appears in TV or ads which arises your heart whenever you see them.

The real life is made of happiness, negotiation, compromise, and dedication to your dream. Nonetheless, it’s not helpful or necessary to push yourself to a corner in any ways. You’re not getting all of the best part of it anyway, however, life is still full of interesting moments at any time, you just have to switch your attention to the one that fascinates you at that moment or contributes more to the one that favors the situation. If you really stuck, not really, just go explore more options, by reading, by talking to people, by visiting your family members, by playing with the one you love, by visiting the world that you never been before, just continue exploring the possibilities, since they leads to more solutions to all types of your problem that you are dealing with or might need to deal with soon enough in the future.

I’m proud of being chinese these days, and I’m proud of being in USA for a while as well, culture expands my view of life and expands my possibilities of living.

I never viewed the life as politics, but since happiness can’t be isolated to an environment includes you only, it must be a social activity. And nothings qualifies better as social activity as politics, isn’t it ?

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Tags: corner, life, pain, politics
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Find out what people want from you ?

December 9th, 2009 by windmaomao

You might think this is a silly question or things to do. Well, take a minites to think about what people want from you then. If you found none, you’re having serious problem. You’re going to be lost or already lost. If you don’t know or not sure, think about how to find out.

One major part of your life is contributing to the society. Even when you are a kid, you starts to contribute, your parents want you to grow strong, get good score in school, and not get yourself hurt in anyway. See, people want a lot of thing from you even you weren’t aware of. But they need you, and you need the demand to be needed. This is the way to contribute what you have, and by doing that, you define the major part of yourself to be who you are. Think about it, what people want from you is what defines who you might possibly are ? It’s silly and childish to think of this oppersite way, so don’t get personal if someone asks too much of you, they didn’t offer you in the right way, but they did offer you something at least.

Another major part of your life journal is to find out what you want. This is no contradicting to find out what people want from you. On the contrary, they’re actually complementary to each other. First of all, the talent or skill you can offer gives you a solid confidence to negotiate the thing you want, and then by finding out what you want refines the life image that you aim for, so you don’t get confused sometimes. And trust me, everybody want something. It’s not selfish, people need nutrient and care to grow at the first place, without it, we cry and cry till we get attention. There’s no shame to find out what you want and let others know that needs. Once you done that, you’ll act on it right away without hesitation, since you already figure out the logic behind. Let other to know that you need them is one of the best way to share and cooperate. The more you get from them, the more you want to do things for them, since things is getting natural later.

All in all, if you ever find yourself lost in the jungle or something, try ask yourself who needs you, if you can’t be sure, go find out and make it positive attitude. And meanwhile find out what you want from them. Make yourself available, and make yourself happy. In return, you make everyone around you happy.

Fang

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Tags: demand, happy, supply
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“Your desire to be unique is unoriginal.”

December 4th, 2009 by windmaomao

Very very intriguing thoughts, isn’t it ?

Take it easy, nothing is really important than anything else, don’t make minor issue big like no tomorrow, we’re all human, nothing to be shamed if we have some emotional issue.

If you really feel overwhelmed, just don’t think about what you are thinking about, dodge the bullet for a while, and don’t worry, if he comes back, you can dodge it again. Sooner or later, you’ll find dodging it isn’t very hard, then we can start to slice it little by litte. First learn how to get out, and we can get in whenever we want, isn’t it ?

Fang

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Tags: emotion, original
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Under water

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

a simple under water rendering, mushroom kind creatures, need some bubble and other plants

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Tags: angiogenesis, ocean, tumor, under water
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Deserve happiness

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

What if you say you’re not happy.

What if I tell you are wrong.

What if I say your body made excuses preventing you from happiness.

What if you trust me for a single second.

Happiness is unconditional,and it’s the “if you are deserving happiness” assumption which draws the line.

If you are unhappy, it’s because you think you’re not deserving it, or you’re not worthwhile unless you do this, do that, and etc. How these assumption came into your mind This can only be contributing to your parents, your society that you grow up with. No offense, people are not born with happiness. Unfortunately, though these assumption are designed for better survives, they fail the job to make you happy.

Even worse, they create excuses to make you not feel happy, because if you do, they think you’re going to die. They are very very protective for your survives, since they’re your basic instinct, they don’t want you to be extinct. So they make you more money, make you better husband or wife, make you better and bigger house, and make you better and beautiful child. But they don’t let you rest a while to enjoy happiness.

This is not their fault. The problem lies your basic assumption of “if you deserve happiness” at this current moment.

Do you deserve? think about it, it’s not your words that’s important, it’s the assumption that makes the difference.

Kill your excuses and adjust your assumption. Evaluate your goal and take control of your life, your happiness won’t come naturally, nobody is responsible for your happiness except you. Don’t make excuses that you won’t happy unless you do this or that.

I feel happy, so I want to do this today Because this is my life, I deserve happiness like anybody else.

Fang

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Tags: deserve, excuse, happiness, life, unconditional
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Excuses and the pain

November 13th, 2009 by windmaomao

well, let me start with scare.

Life is full of unknowns which can cause you to freak out. But you don’t really have much chance to freak out before you grown up. Because before you graduate from college, all you need to do is studying hard, and taking a test and getting a good score so you can go to next better school. Well, some people can really freak out for taking test. No offense, I don’t like taking test either, since no one like to be evaluated by others’ standard.

But really what’s starting to freak me out is after I got my phD, and starts to live a life that nobody knows where it leads. All I know is that I need to get better, but seriously what’s better, and what I should do and what I’m going to be is all sorts of question can freak me out in second. And they never die, just go on and on and on.

And then what happens ? Bingo, it came with the pain, you know what I’m talking about, some pain is always in your stomach that you don’t know how to get rid of. You can say it’s the pain due to the anxiety and mostly scare. Since your body knows you don’t have knowledge to access and evaluate your goal, it doesn’t want you to think about it. It tries very hard to diverge you from looking for answer inside, since the answer is not there. So it did the good thing by raising all possible excuses not getting answers there. What you think of best excuse is ? Yes, the pain.

Pain is an excuse, can you believe it ? But believe or not, it is the source of the scare. So what you do now?

Looking answer somewhere else, at least looking answer calmly and peacefully like you are going to do it for couple of years. Find the best connection that might answer your question, find a nice family member who might know the question, take a look at yourself from different angle, diversify your focus everyday.

Keep in mind, ignore the excuse always, it’s the body mechanism that designed to protect you from drowning in the darkness, and it’ll die out once you see the light in the darkness. But he’s very protective, he’ll hug you whenever he’s not feeling secure. It’s designed for your survives, and that’s his most concern.

Stop pitting yourself, ignore most of the excuse feelings, try to calmly evaluate the situation little by little everyday by all means, assert and confirm yourself most of time, the scare will die naturally. Maybe not soon, but it will.

Notes: Take it serious or not, it’s your call. No personalities change is involved here. It’ll happen to anybody.

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Tags: afraid, assert, excuse, pain, scare
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Focus diversifier

November 5th, 2009 by windmaomao

Focus and concentration is good in terms of getting things done. But in the long run, life is such a balance that too focusing on one aspect of life is more often an excuse. An excuse for not moving your life to the direction you want.

Same as stock, life should be focus diversified as well. Not only your brain doesn’t have to be stressful at the same spot every day, but also life should be full of aspect, and if one way is closed or hard to reach, just turn to the other side, or take a peek at least.

Don’t focus on yourself, nor your partner. You’ll destroy what you want, if you focus too much on the result instead of being interested at the real thing. So diversify your focus. Take a look from another aspect. If you can’t contributing to the world this way, try another way. There must be something that the world might need from you.

Learn to co-operate with your environment and see the possible way to contribute.

Life should be so not a big deal. Animal lives pretty happy everyday, maybe they never be more happier before human existence. Who knows.

Small as the animal’s brain size, they tend to get use to the environment quickly. And the one who adapts quicker survives while the other one who is not willing to change or changing slow dies. So in general, they’d like to change if things bigger than them are changing. The goal is to get comfortable and happy and give birth to the next generation.

Human, as one type of animal, shares the same traits. But they lacks the speed of adaptively than most of the animal species. Why ?

Well, does everyone like to be comfortable and happy ? of course, but the question is that human have more morale sense and memory than any of the species in the world. Unfortunately, morale and memory is the biggest obstruction I found out in certain scenario in terms of recovery.

People worries for reasons, but they tend to worry based on morale and memory as well. The problem is that sometime the morale and the memory are not exist or corresponds to your current status. It is a strange thing when you found out some people is overly happy or overly sad for nothing.

The ability to keep the memory strong and sharp helps us survive from the evolution. If something did bad to you before, you better remember it, so when next time this thing happen or might going to happen, you better get alert and run away or do something to prevent it. Nothing wrong with this ability.

The problem is that in modern world things change too quickly in terms of life time of memory, or you happen to go to another country, every thing changed somehow. To survive for better life, you have to get loose of your morale and memory, since if you keep them strong and sharp as used to be, you are not evaluating your reality correctly and in turn you’ll suffer for not being adaptive.

Let loose your old logic, your old society morale, your old bad memory, let them die. Sticking with them will only speed up your extinction when facing big things than yourself.

Re-evaluate your environment again, and then new things will form gradually. Willing to change and accept new form of yourself is a healthy thing.

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Convert scare

October 19th, 2009 by windmaomao

Till recently I didn’t realized that most of my life was run by fear since very young of my childhood. Things that I don’t understand and need to follow turned into frigntening thoughts right away, which most likely didn’t die and was carried on to the rest of my life.

But now things changed. I realized that scare ran my life, and somewhat ruined my life to certain extent that I have to fight. Well he got trouble now, since I don’t like to be pissed for no reason

If you want to stop a spoiled kid from eating sweats, taking sweats away from him won’t work. You only will turn a spoiled kid into an angry kid. We’re human, inhumanity way isn’t gonna work here. Stop thinking quick solution out.

What we do? Ok, back to the title, we need to find a way to convert scare into something useful. The more you start to use it, the less scary it sounds to you. And sooner or later, it’ll be run by you, not the other away around.

So how to convert scare ? A way that I am experimenting with is curiosity. Want to know, and willing to know and know there’s something interesting behind the scare, behind things that you don’t know is both interesting and awarding adventure. There might be something ahead of you waiting for you explorer. Instead of feeling scared about your future, future maybe so damn fascinating and full of things that you might not know at all. Things can turn either side, because they’re new.

Even death isn’t the end of the adventure. Maybe there’s an outter world which will take you to another totally different world to explore, does that sound more fascinating ?

Keep the curiosity going, I feel happy, relaxed and secured. And this is one of the way I’m going to conquer the fear.

Fang

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Vessel in segments

October 5th, 2009 by windmaomao

here’s another shot of rendering in black and white, pretty sexy, hah

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When it comes, it comes

January 30th, 2010 by windmaomao

Political life

January 16th, 2010 by windmaomao

Find out what people want from you ?

December 9th, 2009 by windmaomao

“Your desire to be unique is unoriginal.”

December 4th, 2009 by windmaomao

Under water

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

Deserve happiness

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

Excuses and the pain

November 13th, 2009 by windmaomao

Focus diversifier

November 5th, 2009 by windmaomao

Vessel topology modeling

November 4th, 2009 by windmaomao

Vessel texture, experiment I

October 29th, 2009 by windmaomao

Tip 1: If tomorrow comes

October 29th, 2009 by windmaomao

Volume visualization, experiment I

October 28th, 2009 by windmaomao

Re-evaluate the reality

October 22nd, 2009 by windmaomao

Convert scare

October 19th, 2009 by windmaomao

Vessel in segments

October 5th, 2009 by windmaomao

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