Forgive spontaneously

March 6th, 2010 by windmaomao

tumor_hypoxic_hole
spectrum_tumor_viability
tumor_color_map2
(Finally added the color mapping onto the surface driven by data, experimented with color dimension as well :)

Keeping the promise isn’t going to help finding the truth

Two seconds can be so independent to each other because you can can’t control all the possibilities that happened in this two seconds, leave along the task of making an identical copy of one second onto another one. So sharp memory probably isn’t going to help in terms of forgiveness. Sharp vision and memory just make you too good in remember things and especially your responsibility and promise.

It might be a good practice to start loose this tension if things isn’t going the right direction. Forget the configuration at the moment, and let the tension gradually move to the next equilibrium state while no extra force (memory) to hold on to it. Forgive spontaneously whenever there’s a tension or struggle, because you are the one who responsible for your health and life, and no other factor should govern that. Bad things could happen to you, but to make yourself comfortable could be irrelevant to things that happen to you and going to happen to you if the only goal is to make yourself comfortable and happy :)

Unconditional happiness, forgive spontaneously, cooperation with the society. Think about it, hehe.

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Being generous

March 2nd, 2010 by windmaomao

chilly_bronze
(Messed around the new design in Modo, pretty sexy, eh :)

Definition of generous |ˈjenərəs|: 1) (of a person) showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected : she was generous with her money. 2) showing kindness toward others . 3) (of a thing) larger or more plentiful than is usual or necessary

Well the definition says it all. Today is about being generous, don’t be a pampered boy/girl. Be generous to yourself, and be generous to others. There’s no that much things to corner yourself into tiny bit of gains here and there. God damn it, the world is so big to explore and don’t be a timid person not want to see the world, nor want to led by others to see the world.

When you are having trouble, when you are looking for help, just think a moment to yourself, damn, this is not a big deal at all, come on, I can do it, there’s no much hurt any way, god damn it. What a tiny bit of sh**y that I need help with. Please forgive me, I’m grown up already, let me indulge in the world instead. Instead of being pampered, let me be generous now.

Go explorer everyday, be adventure, and be generous.

Haha.

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Breath, how hard can it be ?

March 1st, 2010 by windmaomao

tumor_vessel_art
(above picture is modeled and rendered in Maya as a tumor vessel shot)

Funny as it sounds, I start to realize that I have a bad habit of breathing, especially when I am in the middle of some thinking process. My breath is interrupted and stopped in the middle, so that I’m actually holding my breath, and then it goes back to the beginning of the cycle of the breathing so that I am only breathing out half of the air that supposed to be breathed in. Another way of saying it is that I only finish half of the cycle of the breathing, instead of full cycle, therefore only process half of the air.

How bad can it be other than a dumb observation ? Well, I have to tell you, this interferes with my relaxing system. By holding your breath, I didn’t let my muscles finish the full cycle of breath, therefore the final sense of relax isn’t delivered to the body. Therefore after one and one of these half cycle breath, your body becomes more tense.

What cause it, if you ask. I guess, it’s the anxiety factor and the thoughts that triggers it, when you are thinking about something, because the uncertainty it brings, it makes you suspicious of the condition that you are in, so you’re afraid of doing a full cycle breath, because you sensed there might be something dangerous ahead of you. So the cycle is interrupted by this thoughts.

What can I do about it ? Well, once you are in the mood of comfort, you’ll let it go, and go back to your full cycle of breath naturally. If you can’t, like a habbit I had right now, you need to adjust the way of thinking.

Whatever you are doing, important or not, right or wrong, you need to do it affirmatively. Since anyway you are gonna do it, even the result might turn out to be wrong, you can correct it and when you do the wrong thing, you still could do it affirmatively. Finish the full cycle, lift, and put it down, just finish the full cycle without doubt. Anyway you’ll do it, do it with confidence. Only after you finish this cycle, then you start the next, no rush.

Fang

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Feel the expected

February 23rd, 2010 by windmaomao

daomu_hk_draft
(The above illustration draft, co-authored with Zhengquan Kuang lately, is designed for a novel that talks about lots of ancient tombs and treasure hunters.)

Well, this post is not about how we made this model. Instead, let me start with something else.

You might look for things to be done in the way you like. However, unless you were taught to do this from childhood, you somehow need to look for ways to achieve this after you grow up. Or you just have to be angry of nothing is working the way you wanted all the time ;) which doesn’t sounds pretty. Nobody wants to work with a man who needs anger management.

Ok, so you started to explorer what you want. Tried once, you failed, it was’t what you wanted, then second time, you were encouraged to do it again, and you got a bit better, but it was still not what your dream lies. Somehow your expectations starts to bite you in the ass that you just can’t make yourself try it again, mostly because the fear starts to kick in naturally. “You’re wasting your time, your talent doesn’t lie here, come on, put time on where you supposed to be.” Your dads’ voice annoys you since you’re not get approved by doing what you failed doing. Once is ok, twice is alright, third time you are scared, fourth time you know you’re not gonna make it.

The more you want it might just increase the chance you fail. As irony as it sounds, it’s inevitable. You failed even before luck starts to play any roles here. You failed. Sooner or later, this feeling of defeated will carry on till you realize it’s time to face this beast before you can do anything constructive.

This is what this post is about, my two cents of dealing with fear. Once you realize the existence of the fear, try fill your heart with the feeling you already grasped the thing you want, and how you gonna taste it or play with it after you get it. Don’t fall into the trap of constantly thinking about what if you can’t make it. It’s dead circle, you’re not gonna make it if you continue this circle. Be creative to jump out of this never ending circle.

Second, try to diverse your attention to things around you, people, buildings, flowers, anything. Get to know more about them, what they do, what they’re happy for and what they’re unhappy for, and get involved with your surroundings other than the thoughts that you want to achieve tiny bit of something for yourself.

In a word, merge your interests in people and the world around you, get interested, get involved, and then your imagination will lead you to wherever you want peacefully ;)

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There’s only that much time to be unhappy :)

February 18th, 2010 by windmaomao

maggie_displacement
(above picture is taken by my gf from her displacement simulation project, looks wild)

Put many thoughts on the childish these days, since I start to realize that most of my behavior was not much different from my childhoods’. Once I realized that, it seems lots of what I worry about is non-sense, and I’ll be a lot more happy if I weren’t this childish.

Well, once I realized that I had a conclusion there’s only that much time to worry things every day, for example, ten minites, after that, I’m done. Since there’s always things to worry, and things to make you unhappy, independent of what you do. Then there’s always things to make you happy and make you worry-free. So why spend so much time worrying and feel unhappy.

Damn, whatever now, I’ll just use the time I have to make myself happy from now on :) since I’m not child anymore, and I don’t have to stick with my childish behavior, just be happy. LOL

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Dropbox, a better plan for internet storage

February 9th, 2010 by windmaomao

dropbox is out

Internet space is becoming more and more important, not only the fun in sharing your photos with your friend, but also in the confidence that you can work anywhere of the world and anytime you choose to.

I used to pay $100 for 20GB using apple MobileMe, no offense of the price, but I have a better plan here. Check out Dropbox where they offer you 2GB for free instantly when you sign up. The software lets it merge with your operation system and be one of the folder. And you get a nice notifier monitoring the usage of this folder as well.

[updates] The sync feature is well implemented, whenever you put file in dropbox folder, it enters an query to be uploaded to the server, and the icon indicates if the file is updating. And when the server gets the updated file, it’ll notify all connected computer to update them into latest version. The drawback you can see from here is that all computers has a copy of all files in your local hard drive. And if you just want to transfer a file from this machine to another one, it’s better to do a direct ssh if available.

As for the charge, they let you to refer to your friends to earn extra free space, after you fills up all referrer program, you can have up to 5.2GB free storage space to play with. And if you really like their service and want to extend it, they offer $100 for 50GB as a start. Very attractive IMHO.

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When it comes, it comes

January 30th, 2010 by windmaomao

machine_gun_draft
(The above modeling is done by following a modo tutorial step by step, pretty awesome huh :)

Just realize most of things probably doesn’t need extra force to accelerate. It happens when the time is right, and the reason why it happens might just because all the piece that makes the thing happen are all ready. To find out all the pieces and make each one ready takes effort and persistence.

No need to piss off things not going on the right direction. Things get out of shape or out of order naturally all the time. No need to get personal about that. It’s not you or anybody else fault. When it happens, you just need to fix it if you would love to. But do realize, to get them back in order takes effort.

Depending on your expectation on how things should go, your effort could be high. But no get anxious. You just need to manage as much as you can to get to where you want. If the goal is a bit hard to reach, lower your expectation. You only have that much of time every day, and most of important, you only have that much of energy to put on the things you like most. Do your best.

When high expectation is increased on certain aspect, you need to realize that more effort needs to be spent on that subject, therefore other expectations need to be adjust to accommodate the situation. No anxious or stress needs to be raised if you’re aware of this. Things you want won’t fall upon sky naturally, only shit happens every second. You just have to manage through. That’s all.

Don’t wait for the things to happen, redistribute your expectations, put more effort on things you like most. Get close to the sh** thing and clean them up one after one right after they happen. Remember you are just managing through. It’s not for baby, it’s a battleground. Bullet hurts you, but no need to cry, it’s not personal, just pull it off and continue :) Everyday gonna be like this, until

When it comes, it comes.

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Political life

January 16th, 2010 by windmaomao

Recently I got a chance to take a vacation back to my home town. It’s amazing experience that I never had before. Brighter and brighter things got everyday, the more family members I went visit. None of them offers me one-to-all solution to my current life, but piece by piece, that I realized the key missing part in my life, which I saw in some of my friends, but just missing in me. Here it is.

World isn’t black or white, an item can’t be just defined by one or two sentence and categorized by one or two tags. Same as human being, they can’t be viewed by their current image, history plays major part of who they are and who they’re willing to become. Relationship isn’t just mapped with one word relationship. Sometimes they just can’t be expressed by words even when tried hard. Maybe a better word that I can come up with right now is, politics, a word I used to hate, surprising as it is, life seems like a small version of politic world to me now.

Though it was a negative word in my dictionary, it might be the best word, since politics is never black and white in any way. Moreover, gray is the region we’re living in, and gray is the motive that drives us, and gray is what defines us. Even in the sunny day, you are trying to capture gray, the color bridges the world of black and white, the pure version of it might only appears in TV or ads which arises your heart whenever you see them.

The real life is made of happiness, negotiation, compromise, and dedication to your dream. Nonetheless, it’s not helpful or necessary to push yourself to a corner in any ways. You’re not getting all of the best part of it anyway, however, life is still full of interesting moments at any time, you just have to switch your attention to the one that fascinates you at that moment or contributes more to the one that favors the situation. If you really stuck, not really, just go explore more options, by reading, by talking to people, by visiting your family members, by playing with the one you love, by visiting the world that you never been before, just continue exploring the possibilities, since they leads to more solutions to all types of your problem that you are dealing with or might need to deal with soon enough in the future.

I’m proud of being chinese these days, and I’m proud of being in USA for a while as well, culture expands my view of life and expands my possibilities of living.

I never viewed the life as politics, but since happiness can’t be isolated to an environment includes you only, it must be a social activity. And nothings qualifies better as social activity as politics, isn’t it ?

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Find out what people want from you ?

December 9th, 2009 by windmaomao

You might think this is a silly question or things to do. Well, take a minites to think about what people want from you then. If you found none, you’re having serious problem. You’re going to be lost or already lost. If you don’t know or not sure, think about how to find out.

One major part of your life is contributing to the society. Even when you are a kid, you starts to contribute, your parents want you to grow strong, get good score in school, and not get yourself hurt in anyway. See, people want a lot of thing from you even you weren’t aware of. But they need you, and you need the demand to be needed. This is the way to contribute what you have, and by doing that, you define the major part of yourself to be who you are. Think about it, what people want from you is what defines who you might possibly are ? It’s silly and childish to think of this oppersite way, so don’t get personal if someone asks too much of you, they didn’t offer you in the right way, but they did offer you something at least.

Another major part of your life journal is to find out what you want. This is no contradicting to find out what people want from you. On the contrary, they’re actually complementary to each other. First of all, the talent or skill you can offer gives you a solid confidence to negotiate the thing you want, and then by finding out what you want refines the life image that you aim for, so you don’t get confused sometimes. And trust me, everybody want something. It’s not selfish, people need nutrient and care to grow at the first place, without it, we cry and cry till we get attention. There’s no shame to find out what you want and let others know that needs. Once you done that, you’ll act on it right away without hesitation, since you already figure out the logic behind. Let other to know that you need them is one of the best way to share and cooperate. The more you get from them, the more you want to do things for them, since things is getting natural later.

All in all, if you ever find yourself lost in the jungle or something, try ask yourself who needs you, if you can’t be sure, go find out and make it positive attitude. And meanwhile find out what you want from them. Make yourself available, and make yourself happy. In return, you make everyone around you happy.

Fang

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“Your desire to be unique is unoriginal.”

December 4th, 2009 by windmaomao

small_blue_lzn

Very very intriguing thoughts, isn’t it ?

Take it easy, nothing is really important than anything else, don’t make minor issue big like no tomorrow, we’re all human, nothing to be shamed if we have some emotional issue.

If you really feel overwhelmed, just don’t think about what you are thinking about, dodge the bullet for a while, and don’t worry, if he comes back, you can dodge it again. Sooner or later, you’ll find dodging it isn’t very hard, then we can start to slice it little by litte. First learn how to get out, and we can get in whenever we want, isn’t it ?

Fang

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Under water

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

ocean_light_mushroom2

a simple under water rendering, mushroom kind creatures, need some bubble and other plants :)

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Deserve happiness

November 14th, 2009 by windmaomao

What if you say you’re not happy.

What if I tell you are wrong.

What if I say your body made excuses preventing you from happiness.

What if you trust me for a single second.

Happiness is unconditional,and it’s the “if you are deserving happiness” assumption which draws the line.

If you are unhappy, it’s because you think you’re not deserving it, or you’re not worthwhile unless you do this, do that, and etc. How these assumption came into your mind :) This can only be contributing to your parents, your society that you grow up with. No offense, people are not born with happiness. Unfortunately, though these assumption are designed for better survives, they fail the job to make you happy.

Even worse, they create excuses to make you not feel happy, because if you do, they think you’re going to die. They are very very protective for your survives, since they’re your basic instinct, they don’t want you to be extinct. So they make you more money, make you better husband or wife, make you better and bigger house, and make you better and beautiful child. But they don’t let you rest a while to enjoy happiness.

This is not their fault. The problem lies your basic assumption of “if you deserve happiness” at this current moment.

Do you deserve? think about it, it’s not your words that’s important, it’s the assumption that makes the difference.

Kill your excuses and adjust your assumption. Evaluate your goal and take control of your life, your happiness won’t come naturally, nobody is responsible for your happiness except you. Don’t make excuses that you won’t happy unless you do this or that.

I feel happy, so I want to do this today :) Because this is my life, I deserve happiness like anybody else.

Fang

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Excuses and the pain

November 13th, 2009 by windmaomao

well, let me start with scare.

Life is full of unknowns which can cause you to freak out. But you don’t really have much chance to freak out before you grown up. Because before you graduate from college, all you need to do is studying hard, and taking a test and getting a good score so you can go to next better school. Well, some people can really freak out for taking test. No offense, I don’t like taking test either, since no one like to be evaluated by others’ standard.

But really what’s starting to freak me out is after I got my phD, and starts to live a life that nobody knows where it leads. All I know is that I need to get better, but seriously what’s better, and what I should do and what I’m going to be is all sorts of question can freak me out in second. And they never die, just go on and on and on.

And then what happens ? Bingo, it came with the pain, you know what I’m talking about, some pain is always in your stomach that you don’t know how to get rid of. You can say it’s the pain due to the anxiety and mostly scare. Since your body knows you don’t have knowledge to access and evaluate your goal, it doesn’t want you to think about it. It tries very hard to diverge you from looking for answer inside, since the answer is not there. So it did the good thing by raising all possible excuses not getting answers there. What you think of best excuse is ? Yes, the pain.

Pain is an excuse, can you believe it ? But believe or not, it is the source of the scare. So what you do now?

Looking answer somewhere else, at least looking answer calmly and peacefully like you are going to do it for couple of years. Find the best connection that might answer your question, find a nice family member who might know the question, take a look at yourself from different angle, diversify your focus everyday.

Keep in mind, ignore the excuse always, it’s the body mechanism that designed to protect you from drowning in the darkness, and it’ll die out once you see the light in the darkness. But he’s very protective, he’ll hug you whenever he’s not feeling secure. It’s designed for your survives, and that’s his most concern.

Stop pitting yourself, ignore most of the excuse feelings, try to calmly evaluate the situation little by little everyday by all means, assert and confirm yourself most of time, the scare will die naturally. Maybe not soon, but it will.

Notes: Take it serious or not, it’s your call. No personalities change is involved here. It’ll happen to anybody.

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Focus diversifier

November 5th, 2009 by windmaomao

home_canvas_tumor

Focus and concentration is good in terms of getting things done. But in the long run, life is such a balance that too focusing on one aspect of life is more often an excuse. An excuse for not moving your life to the direction you want.

Same as stock, life should be focus diversified as well. Not only your brain doesn’t have to be stressful at the same spot every day, but also life should be full of aspect, and if one way is closed or hard to reach, just turn to the other side, or take a peek at least.

Don’t focus on yourself, nor your partner. You’ll destroy what you want, if you focus too much on the result instead of being interested at the real thing. So diversify your focus. Take a look from another aspect. If you can’t contributing to the world this way, try another way. There must be something that the world might need from you.

Learn to co-operate with your environment and see the possible way to contribute.

Cheers.

Notes: above picture is tumor rendered in a canvas :)

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Vessel topology modeling

November 4th, 2009 by windmaomao

vessel_modeling_modo

Topology modeling picture, look like interior structure of a modern apartment, isn’t it ?

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