(a render lately of my current table and room, 80% finished )

Haven’t been updated this site for a while, wasn’t really busy, but trying to enjoy life a bit more than used to be.

What I’ve been searching for the cure of my heart made some progress lately. I’ve been told that everyone has some sort of battle to face in their regular life. Don’t know if this is universal, since I know one or two person who doesn’t take anything personal in any circumstances. I admire them, and I’m glad I can find them as my friend so that I know there’re some other life style in this world that is inspiring and rewarding.

However for me, I found I need to let go certain type of brief that built on in early stage of my life. By watching how seriously other people take personal what they’re looking for, you feel pity for them. That’s right. Nothing is really important at the current moment. You don’t have to give up your brief, it’s just that you have to be ok to know that you can’t fulfill your brief at the current moment. And that’s ok. You still can stay in this moment and enjoy being in this moment to take a look at how badly you aren’t fulfilling this brief. It’s not big deal. You want to have it, however you’re not getting it. It’s ok, maybe tomorrow you’re getting it, or maybe not. Not important, be happy with the feeling that you’re not having something. And enjoy that

What makes me this call is mostly due to the brief that I think everything might be in tune with certain type of time frame which is out of control by human. You don’t have the right to choose what’s now, but you can enjoy being what’s now, I don’t know who got the right to choose what’s now for me, but obviously it can’t be me

Hope above helps.

Fang

Did anyone tell you being too serious isn’t a good thing ? More or less, it reflects you probably has narrow understanding and respect for the nature. Daoist says the three type of things that you can get most serious about are money, power and self. However, he states none of them are important to you, and he even states that paying too much attention to them are actually harmful to you.

Natural is at its own harmony, forces that are too strong tends to destroy things instead of grow with them. In singing, powerful vocal doesn’t come with strong push of sound, instead it’s build with comfortable breath flow that is only required for that pitch Same thing should be with everyday’s life. Thoughts and actions can be just effortless while the impact could be profound.

While thinking about profound effect, you don’t have to put too much thoughts and paying too much attention on them. They have their own harmony, once you find them, you’ll be there. The search is effortless if you know where to look for. And while you are under tension, most likely you’ll look in the wrong direction. With angry and agitate thoughts, hardly you can go anywhere afterwards.

An easy approach is to look down on things, none of them are as important as you being alive and breathing. Money, power and yourself won’t give you life and air. They are only one type of million things in this universe. So think about more about the raw motivation of life, ex. to see, to feel. You can achieve them any time you want, with any people around. Most of important, you do them effortless as you learning how to walk. Nobody asks you to walk perfect while most of us turn out to be very good walker

Fang

well, I made the line last night, “either I suicide or I am just gonna ‘kill’ my self first”.

There’s no much common sense that how far you should go for pursuing your own interests on other peoples’ effort. Any relationship or partnership or workshop are based on levels or status. If you are under somebody, you normally just have to do whatever the other one is asking, independent to whatever you or his characteristic is, independent to how difficult that you or he think of this project, independent to how willing that you or he want to pursue this project.

This is just sad. Because I start to realize any project is trivial in terms of difficulty if the answer to above questions are answered properly first. Since they are hard to access and evaluate, people are just skipping it at the very beginning. Here’s where the uncertainty and stress build up. Because what you want to do isn’t important, only the feeling that you are willing to pursue your life and fulfill yourself matters, which leads to your happiness and freedom.

The distance between peoples are getting very far in terms of answering the above questions, whereas the distance is too close in terms of asking other people to do things for you. Everybody is thinking they’re doing more good to other people by asking others to do granted things. This is just not true. In China, there’s a good saying “friends shouldn’t get too close”, there’s no need to make the distance between people too close, especially when it comes to marriage/collaboration/friendship. People needs space to breath, to grow, to think, to be happy. No two monkeys you see actually holds together tightly as no tomorrow. They help each other, but they only play together when they’re willing to and be able to. And normally this happens spontaneously, without pressure, and especially without reasoning.

So, it’s an art to develop a distance for all relationships to a comfortable extent. Some people naturally do good on this, while some people lacks this ability badly. However, if you think it’s too much, there’s always a mode you can think of to get you out of all the mess, “shutting yourself down completely” for couple of seconds, or days or months, depending how short this distance becomes. The shorter, the longer you shut yourself, this way the distance will grow automatically. Remember the goal isn’t to keep all relationship perfect, instead, you want to keep them in a comfortable distance that you can enjoy them while you are breathing, alive.

Moreover once you are in that comfort state, the direction of where you should head to appears naturally. It might be the very difficult thing you ever dare to touch. However in that state, you know you’re destined to it, you are confident as long as you stay in that state. It’s not fairy tale, but you have to keep in that state to be brave, strong, to support yourself. No one else will help in terms of that, since no one can tell you how to be happy. So screw them, screw everything and screw any support. There’s none of them that can support you. Just focus on that state, you will be yourself.

Once you’ve been in that state, you can come back and merge with the noisy reality, all shit but real. You might become scared a little but eventually you’ll be happy you can be with this shity world, since you know you can get out of there to pursue whatever you want at any time if you want to. This should be your best support that you can ever have. God bless you from this day. How peaceful does this sound ? Just don’t wait for others to realize your future,

“Either you suicide, or you ‘kill’ yourself first” - Fang Jin

Canvas

Basically, you need to setup a screen canvas to draw 3D objects, which can be achieved by using OpenGL API . The library takes care of setting up the graphic hardware, creation of objects, and projection them to 2D screen pixel on the canvas, all sorts of basic functionalities in 3D world. Normally this process is fixed, but a shader language (normally comes with OpenGL) can let you adjust how you represent object and how to draw them into pixels at run time through some scripts. This really adds the overall flexibility, and effects can achieved very easily by writing some shader and plug into the pipeline.
To see how apple supports OpenGL and shader, you can check out GLSLShowpiece application from apple reference library ( it comes with a executable file). You can test your shader easily using OpenGL shader builder (in XCode folder) where you can test all sorts of functionality of shader without writing any code.

Engine

To make 3D rendering job a bit easier, I’d also like to have a backbone engine that deals with scene loading, objects/material management, camera handling in a black box, so I can concentrate on the application logic. Here’s a list of engines/libraries that I came across, some are more favoring game, and some are to the visualization (the difference between game and visualization lies in where their interests first originates, IMO). To name a few,
1) NSOpenGLView control in Mac XCode
2) Ogre 3D, game engine, open source
3) Unity 3D, game engine, commercial
4) OpenScenGraph, open source, visualization
5) VTK, open source, scientific visualization

First of all, NSOpenGLView is a native control developed by Apple to have openGL embedded in a native view, which is very nice, and you can find couple of ready to built demos from Online Reference Library, OpenGL section.

While NSOpenGLView is a good place to start, the design is pretty basic at this moment. So I checked some game engine, ex. Ogre 3D. It got very decent resource management, scene construction and utilities that you’ll find handy in 3D space. To be able to use it as a native view in XCode, you need to direct the rendering output to NSView as described in this post and more examples can be found here here, ex. mouse control, etc.

I mentioned Unity 3D here because I’ve used it for another of my project before. It’s a commercial game engine, very robust, cross platformed, and objects can be controlled through script language. Personally I like it a lot except the fact that it lacks the native GUI controls on OSX. And for this project, it could be very time consuming.

OpenSceneGraph and VTK are two visualization packages that are available to the open source community. Though I didn’t get chance to test them, from what I read from introduction, they contains lot of visualization processing libraries that will come handy if your data needs to be manipulated before plotting.

All in all, for this project, I chose Ogre. And this post will be keep updated as the project unfolds.

Fang

(trying to learn to draw, but obvious, I suck

This is a topic of self acceptance. Do you deserve what you got, or what you’re after.

Maybe you are in a stage of changing, or looking for different life style, or sharpening your skills. But wait a second, do you respect what you’re doing, do you expect what you’re after, can you imagine you’re the one who deserve this type of work, can you imagine the day when you are getting it finally. Are you treating yourself good while working on it ? Can you feel the accomplishment aftermath ?

Accept your current status no matter what it is. Accept your goal and the possibility of getting it. Feel the respectful thoughts that you deserve who you are and who you want to be. You’re doing the right thing, so let’s spend a respectful time doing it.

You deserve this, and the moment doing it. How wonderful is this ? Having it when doing it.