Each feeling worth its existence. It’s a natural process of human. And there’s nothing wrong to have feelings that you “think” shouldn’t be there due to your background, knowledge, social levels and status, etc. Please, don’t take the existence of the feeling too much a big deal. Being a good guy doesn’t mean you can’t have a negative thoughts or “bad” thoughts. Brave man doesn’t mean he can’t be timid facing enemy. Thoughts and feelings aren’t the one that draws the line between good and evil, right and wrong, etc.

Suppress your feeling is an common thing to do if you believe good things come from good thoughts or feelings. No offense to this, but I’d rather starting to believe, good things come from good actions, but thoughts isn’t the thing that you want to mess up with at the first place.

You’re born with your hand to pick up something, and you’re born with your brain to feel and have thoughts which reflects from outside or inside stimulants. When you try to interfere this normal functionality of feeling, you’re ABUSING your brain. If you do this to yourself, you’re abusing yourself, and if you are doing it to others, you are abusing others. If you do it regularly, your abusing becomes an habit. I think abusing habit isn’t the thing that will put you in the good man category.

So please just don’t believe good things come with good thoughts, ditch it then. Don’t suppress your feeling, and let it go. It’s your action that really matters, a brave man who fights till death is still brave, even he had the thoughts that he’s afraid to die. He has every right to feel, think and share every bits of his thoughts of afraid to die. He chose to fight, is what he acts. Don’t separate his hero side with his common human side.

In general, everyone expect (or is expected) to be good, success, … ? any exciting word you want to put here. I don’t know if you can live up to that expectation. But first you still can have the thoughts to be wrong, failure, and any toxic words you don’t want (or let others) to put for yourself. There’s nothing wrong to be one of them, and there’s seriously nothing wrong first to think about being them. IMO, you should think about them for fun in general. Remember you can decide later what thought is the one you want to take after experiencing all of the possibilities.

That you can feel, is the greatest thing ever.